In this article, we will discuss existing assistance for families of people on the trans spectrum and the importance of familial support. If you don’t have family support, you can turn to support hotlines and temporary and long-term housing solutions.

The Importance of Familial Support

Family recognition of gender identity is very important for the self-acceptance process of people on the trans spectrum. 
Adolescence is a time of developing an identity and sense of self for all teens, and open dialogue with parents is an important part of that.
In a research study¹https://www.transwiki.co.il/%d7%90%d7%a0%d7%a9%d7%99%d7%9d-%d7%98%d7%a8%d7%a0%d7%a1%d7%92%d7%a0%d7%93%d7%a8%d7%99%d7%9d-%d7%91%d7%99%d7%a9%d7%a8%d7%90%d7%9c-%d7%92%d7%95%d7%a8%d7%9e%d7%99-%d7%9c%d7%97%d7%a5-%d7%9e%d7%a9/ about teens on the trans spectrum in Israel, it was found that family support was the most important factor in the teens’ mental health.

Sometimes parents feel that if they push away the child’s trans identity, they can help the child get over their “gender issues” and prepare for life. In practice, familial support is important to mitigate the negative aspects of coming out of the closet (such as stigma, oppression, and discrimination), and familial support also helps reduce depression and suicidality, improves self-esteem, and improves the ability to function in various areas (for example – the quality of relationships and partnerships). On the other hand, studies show²https://www.transwiki.co.il/%d7%94%d7%94%d7%95%d7%a8%d7%99%d7%9d-%d7%9b%d7%91%d7%a1%d7%99%d7%a1-%d7%91%d7%98%d7%95%d7%97-%d7%9c%d7%9e%d7%aa%d7%91%d7%92%d7%a8-%d7%91%d7%aa%d7%94%d7%9c%d7%99%d7%9a-%d7%94%d7%99%d7%a6%d7%99%d7%90/ that rejection by family correlates with higher levels of loneliness, depression, and suicidality in trans teens. That is, the more antagonistic family relationships are perceived to be, the higher the risk of suicidal thoughts, and even more, the higher the risk of suicidal behaviors is in people on the trans spectrum. By contrast, the more supportive a family is, the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors lessens.³https://www.transwiki.co.il/%d7%9e%d7%90%d7%a4%d7%99%d7%99%d7%a0%d7%99%d7%9d-%d7%95%d7%a6%d7%a8%d7%9b%d7%99%d7%9d-%d7%a9%d7%9c-%d7%90-%d7%a0%d7%a9%d7%99%d7%9d-%d7%a2%d7%9c-%d7%94%d7%a7%d7%a9%d7%aa-%d7%94%d7%98%d7%a8%d7%a0%d7%a1/

Sometimes it can take the family a long time to accept and reconcile, and sometimes it may never happen. Family members’ responses may change over time, and relationships that were defined by conflict and rejection may change and bring acceptance, intimacy, and support. It is possible that very difficult responses from parents can lead to the safety of the relationship and communication wavering, but positive experiences when sharing with parents may enable healing of the relationship so that the parents are perceived as more supportive and emotionally available.

Characteristics of Familial Acceptance:

• Accepting the child’s gender expression, including the use of the correct name and pronouns.
• Open discussion with the child about identity.
• Showing affection towards the child throughout the coming out process.
• Supporting the child’s identity even when the parents feel discomfort.
• Representing the child (for example, with the school).
• Making sure that all family members and surroundings respect the child.
• Finding support systems for the child such as community organizations (IGY, Trans Center), individual and family therapy, etc.
• Accepting friends on the trans spectrum and allowing them to come as guests.
• Belief in the child’s ability to have a happy adult life.
• Introducing the child to adults and role models, to show future possibilities.

Overcoming Difficulties in Supporting the Child

Many parents experience feelings of loss, fear, or broken dreams. It makes sense that parents need time to process the new situation. Successfully coping with the challenges parents face is one of the ways to help children on their own path. It is recommended to turn to other parents and/or to a therapist or to support groups for parents of children on the transgender spectrum, such as those offered by the Tehila organization or Brit Haleviot.

Even if parents experience challenges and don’t yet know everything about the subject, the most important thing for the child’s welfare is the quality of the relationship. Below are several recommendations for creating and strengthening an open connection:

Learning – learn everything you can about gender and gender diversity, it is best not to do this through the children, but to find reliable sources of information through professionals and community organizations.

Affirmation – listen to the child about the significance of their new gender for them. It is recommended to let the child set the pace of transition and choose who they wish to share their gender identity with. This is true for medical gender-affirming care as well.
Do not “out” the child without their consent.

Name and pronouns – it is important to respect the child and use their new name and pronouns.

Non-binary pronouns – for children who identify as non-binary, it is important to ask what pronouns they prefer or pay attention to how they refer to themselves.

With support and affirmation, transgender and gender-diverse children and teens can live happy and full lives. The most important contribution parents can make is support, affirmation, and strengthening their relationship.

Support Frameworks for Families of People on the Trans Spectrum

There are various organizations that support families and parents of people on the trans spectrum. These organizations offer support hotlines, support groups, information, education, and many guidance programs.

Brit Haleviot

Brit Haleviot is an organization of families of transgender and gender-diverse children and teens. The goal of the organization is to implement support and affirmation of transgender children in families, institutions, and Israeli society at large – to ensure their well-being.
To read the beginner’s guide for parenting a trans child.
Brit Haleviot offers the following frameworks:

• Virtual and in-person parent meetings, professional lectures, and experiential workshops
• Family meetups around the country
• Activities for children of various ages
• Support hotline for parents
• Contact details:

• Whatsapp – 052-3711922
• Telegram – @brithaleviot
• Facebook
• Website

Tehila

Tehila is a support organization of parents for parents and family members of children in the LGBTQ community.

• Support groups for parents of people on the trans spectrum
  Tehila operates support groups for parents and family members of people on the trans spectrum. The groups offer emotional support, guidance, and information for those who have a loved one who is transitioning.
• Contact details:

• Haifa group facilitator – 054-6880446 (Tami Goldberg)
• Givatayim group facilitator – 052-3664052 (Hani Israeli)
• Zoom parents’ group, once a month – 052-2483163 (Anat Shauli), 052-4324865 (Karmit Aviram)
• Facebook

Parents in Pride

A group for parents of children on the LGBT spectrum in Rehovot. The support group is facilitated and meets once a month.
Contact details:

• Phone – 054-5999637 (Anat Baruch Hayt)

The Incubator

A group for parents of children and teens on the trans spectrum aimed at receiving tools and guidance from other parents, adults on the trans spectrum, and professionals in various fields.
Contact details:

• Phone – 054-2647252 (Lahat, leave a message)
• Website – haincubator.com